One of the best “side effects” of The Bucket List Project is hearing all the different bucket list dreams people often share with me. To see their faces light up as they describe the adventures, travels, or projects they want to complete makes my heart happy. Occasionally people will share with me a bucket list item that makes even me think, “Really? You must be crazy! I would never want to do that.” Now don’t get me wrong, I would probably do anything if I am inspired or incentivized and I would NEVER tell anyone that the things they dream of doing are wrong, but there are things that just don’t excite me or even perhaps scare me a little bit. I consider this My Anti-Bucket List: Things I don’t want to do before I die.

So what is on My Anti-Bucket List and why don’t I want to do them?

Below is My Anti-Bucket List: Things I don’t want to do before I die from A to Z. Not all of the items on My Anti-Bucket List are a definite NO. Therefore, I rated them from 1 Thumb’s Down for “would probably do it if it was free” to 3 Thumbs’ Down for “would only do it for a million dollars!”

A is for Acupuncture

Does anyone else have images of Pinhead from the movie Hellraiser when thinking about acupuncture? Now I am not scared of needles but the idea of being stabbed by multiple hair like needles in certain pressure points just doesn’t sound like fun to me.

The Anti-Bucket List is a hilarious list from Things from A to Z of things that Eric Gamble doesn't want to do before he dies! What is on your Anti-bucket list? #bucketlist #antibucketlist
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B is for Bungee Jumping

Just because I entered the world attached to a cord doesn’t mean I have to leave the world attached to another cord! It’s weird because I really have no major fear of heights at all. However, I am not a big fan of falling. So the idea of strapping a giant rubber band to my ankles and trusting some carnival ride operator to keep me safe as I dive to the earth will never be on my bucket list.

C is for Century Eggs

“I will not eat green eggs and ham, I will not eat them Eric, I am!”

Who doesn’t love eggs? Whether eating them boiled, scrambled, or as an omelet, eggs are one of my favorite breakfast foods. However, I don’t think I can stomach the idea of a Century Egg. Century Eggs, also known as preserved egg, hundred year egg, or thousand year egg are made by preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in an alkaline mixture of clay and other ingredients for several weeks to several months.

So what makes them so bad? Well, everything I have read describes them as having a dark green jelly like consistency for the outside while the yolk is green and oozes everywhere. Then, if that doesn’t convince you to forgo the delicacy, perhaps the strong smell of horse urine emanating from the eggs will stop you.

D is for Dye My Hair

I never really wanted to dye my hair any fun color as a kid – probably because I have a big old Charlie Brown head and never wanted to waste that much dye. Even now as I am older it doesn’t phase me that my dark brown hair is finally changing and fading away. Perhaps, this is because it is changing into the pre-destined Sam Elliot white that apparently my genetics has been gracious enough to give me.

E is for Eat Vegetarian/Vegan

“Being a Vegetarian/Vegan is just a big Missed Steak!”

I love puns almost as much as I love bacon! Don’t get me wrong, I love veggies of all types but I have no desire to live solely on them forever. Perhaps this is because I just love eating a Cuban steak and New Orleans crawfish too much. So if you are vegetarian/vegan that is okay. Just lay off my double double animal style from In&Out!

F is for Fugu Sushi

Food allergies are no fun – especially the two I have! Now I am not 100% sure, but I may be allergic to a poison called tetrodotoxin, which is 1,200 times deadlier than cyanide. Total bummer I know but I guess that means no Fugu for me. Fugu is a blowfish served in Japanese restaurants that has enough tetrodotoxin poison to kill 30 people if not served properly. Therefore, you have to trust that the chef serving you underwent the mandatory two to three years of training to obtain a fugu-preparing license and is not having an off day. Unfortunately for me, the type of training they go through has a weird side effect that stimulates my second food allergy. Their expertise raises the price of a full course fugu meal to $200 (USD) which makes me break out in hives!

G is for Golf

“Golf is a good walk spoiled” ~H.S. Scrivener

Though originally attributed to Mark Twain, Scrivener originally wrote the quote in a 1903 book about lawn tennis. Either way, the quote holds true for me. I really don’t want to play golf. Now I love the idea of a golf outing. I mean what’s not to love about male bonding in a beautiful location, playing a competitive sport, while drinking and smoking cigars. But when it comes to the actual skill, I STINK!

H is for Hike Everest

Hiking and climbing to the peak of a mountain can offer unbelievable views. But avalanches, rock slides, and losing my toes to frostbite seem a bit much even for an insane adventurer like myself. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to explore the base camp and see the beauty. But I hate the cold and very much like living!

I is for Ice Fishing

Did I mention I hate the cold?! Well I do. So to traverse across a frozen lake to sit in a wooden outhouse to catch fish out of a hole sounds like the worst vacation ever. If this sounds like heaven to you, then more power to you but leave me on a Caribbean island any day while you guys freeze to death.

J is for Jump Off a Cliff in a Wing Suit

I think flying squirrels are some of the coolest looking creatures ever. But that doesn’t mean I want to emulate them. Perhaps this is because I hate the thought of plummeting to my death. Or maybe it is because I just don’t really want to jump off a cliff in a wing suit ever. Even with a really good travel insurance from World Nomads, it doesn’t sound like my idea of fun!

While it is common for most people to create a bucket list, are there things you DON'T want to do before you die? Eric Gamble came up with just a list – an Anti-bucket list and it is hilarious! #Antibucketlist #bucketlist
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K is for Kopi Luwak Coffee

I know this may sound strange but I don’t like coffee at all. My dad used to grind Cuban coffee beans every morning and then brew up a wonderfully smelling beverage. But it just isn’t my thing.

With Kopi Luwak Coffee, there is no budge in my view. If you don’t know, Kopi Luwak is coffee made from part-digested coffee cherries eaten and defecated by the Asian palm civet. That is right, coffee made from animal poop!

L is for Learn how to Fly a Plane

My cousin Alex is a United States Naval Aviator, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. However, this has never created a desire in me to learn how to fly a plane. I mean I drive like a reckless NASCAR car driver already. Can you imagine me flying in the air above your head like an insane maniac?

M is for Mohawk

Did I mention I have a big old Charlie Brown head? Growing up in the 80s with characters like Mr. T made having a Mohawk a tough guy thing. But I would end up looking more crazy like Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver than cool.

N is for the Ngwala Cup

I love The Adventurists and all the crazy races they put together! For those of you who don’t know, The Adventurists are the lunatics who developed the insane Rickshaw Run that Darcee and I participated in January of 2017.

However, they have one race that doesn’t interest me at all, the Kraken Cup (formerly known as the Ngwala Cup). Essentially, you take a dugout canoe made from a mango tree, add a bamboo mast, a sail and a couple of outriggers and you sail it towards the Indian Ocean racecourse of spice islands, deserted beaches and sand banks off the coast of Tanzania. Sorry I have no desire to be Tom Hanks in Castaway.

O is for Own a Motorcycle or Dirt Bike

My good friend Jason Hippler is an avid motorcycle rider and I love hearing his stories of riding around the country, but that is really the extent of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of taking a motorcycle on the open road or riding a dirt bike out on the trail. Not to mention, riders always look cool wearing their awesome helmets or the top dirt bike jackets. But, I took a motorcycle riding class and hated it. Perhaps it is because I drive a car like a maniac or maybe because my mom would kill me, but in this instance, being Evel Knievel is not on my bucket list.

P is for Piercing my Body

I have no desire to get my ears or any other body part pierced. This is probably because my earlobes are Dumbo floppy and they would look stupid on me. But in reality it’s more because I am a bit clumsy and I would be one of those horror stories where I get my piercing viciously ripped out in an accident of some sort.

Q is Quit Cigar Smoking

I love smoking a good cigar. It’s been a vice of mine since college. It relaxes me and slows me down even just for one hour. Perhaps a good cigar is my version of Adderall that allows me to focus and pay attention to my friends. Plus, I AIN’T NO QUITTER!!

R is for Run a Race

If you ever see me running, I would advise you to start running too because something bad like a bear, a tidal wave, or a woman scorned is chasing me! Don’t get me wrong, I admire anyone, like my friend Joe Elfer, who signs up for a marathon or a 5k but it doesn’t interest me at all!

S is for Skydive

Back to that falling thing again. Not going to happen if I can help it. My good friend Steve always wanted to go skydiving so I surprised him with the opportunity to fulfill that Bucket List dream. However, like most people he got a bit nervous right before going up in the plane. Like an idiot, I offered to join him in solidarity to boost his courage. Thank God he didn’t need me and had the time of his life cause my pants don’t look good with pee all over them!

T is for Tattoo my Body

I really admire the artwork of tattoo artists. Some of the designs they come up with are truly beautiful. With that said, I don’t think I ever want to get a tattoo. I don’t think people with tattoos are any less, in fact I admire their desire to wear such amazing art. However, I am just too non-committal to a design. I would get a tat and then 2 days later want to erase it and get something different.

U is for U.F.O. Hunting

Is there other life in our universe? I have no idea and I really have no desire to spend time exploring Roswell, crop circles, or other alien sighting locations. Don’t get me wrong, I love astronomy and star gazing. But I have seen what aliens do to unsuspecting alien hunters and just don’t want a prostate exam today.

V is for Visit Austin, Texas

Ok so this is going to ruffle some feathers but the idea of Austin, Texas rubs me wrong. Perhaps it is because I am a New Orleans snob but Austin just seems like a hipster rip off. I just have no desire to see Austin City Limits or South by Southwest music festivals or to eat over priced food out of food trucks.

W is for Write a Book

One of the weirdest compliments I get from time to time is “you should write a book about your bucket list adventures!” Now don’t get me wrong, this is very flattering but I am no author. The idea of writing more than a blog article makes me sweat and my fingers cramp. So I will leave writing to the great authors of our time like E.L. James, L Ron Hubbard, or Nicholas Sparks.

X is for X-Mas Markets in Europe

Ok so I cheated a little with X but Christmas (X-Mas) Markets just don’t excite me. Now, Darcee would sell my organs to explore the beautiful markets in Germany, Austria, Poland, or Czech Republic. The idea of strolling the illuminated stalls and sipping hot chocolate or mulled wine would definitely get her in the Christmas spirit. However it isn’t the reason I want to jump on a plane to travel to those destinations. X-MAS MARKETS, BAH HUMBUG!

Y is for Yoga

So I love to go the gym and train. It is a great way to stay in shape and relieve stress. But there is something about tying myself into a pretzel that just doesn’t sound fun. Again this is probably because I am kind of a spaz and I would be that guy in yoga class who ends up needing medical attention cause I went left when I should have gone right. Plus I don’t want to be ogled at by those heathen yoga women. I am not a piece of meat ladies!

Z is for Zeppelin (the blimp not the band)

So Z was another tough letter. But some people that tell me they would love to ride the Goodyear Blimp (aka a Zeppelin). Now I love seeing a Zeppelin in the sky! However, to be stuck up there for several hours overlooking the Super Bowl from several miles away just doesn’t sound like a good time to me.

We all love dreaming of the many things on our bucket list. But are there things you would never do? Eric Gamble of the Bucket List Project has a few ideas and added it to his hilarious Anti-Bucket List! #bucketlist #antibucketlist
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So that is My Anti-Bucket List: Things I don’t want to do before I die from A to Z. Was there anything in the list above that you would definitely do or you have done? Tell me why I should change my mind! Also, what is on your Anti-Bucket List? Are there things you would never want do before you die? Let me know in the comments below!

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